Under Her Telescope

And the look in her eyes was indescribable, ineffable. Stars danced in her irises as if shooting across a milky chasm of hazel and bronze. Dilated, joy eclipsed those moonlit windows to her soul. I yearned to be able to encapsulate that instant in time, to box it up and save it, and relive that moment of revelation, the dying of innocence. Gazing upon another beholding you remedies the woes and worries of one’s heart. In the arms of an angel, I unearthed my other half. Divinity never tasted as sweet as her cherry red lips. To be understood, to be loved – I cannot fathom a more resplendent feat.

There was a telescope, the one I gave her for her birthday. As she sat and counted the galaxies, I watched and counted too,  but I didn’t count the constellations. I counted the reasons I loved her and I’ll let you in on a little secret: she always finished counting first. For there may be innumerable stars in that sky we shared, but my heart sheltered the uncountable perfections of a mere embrace with her. Even with fingers intertwined, we felt far apart, and so our fingers played that game of mindless intimacy. Seeking to remind ourselves we were not alone, her thumb caressed my hand and mine did the same. When playfulness overcame comfort, our thumbs battled under the reflection of her telescope. Dancing under the ebony expanse, our hands never ceased to touch. Laughing, she tumbled towards victory because in the end she would always trap my thumb and smile with delight. Her triumph constituted an immaculate success. For in that one moment, all that mattered in the world rested under that telescope. It rested in the bewildered joy entrapped in her eyes,  in the sweetness of her soft hands, and in the ecstasy of her embrace. For a man who was rarely happy, the world disintegrated into her blue dress and the only sadness I felt rested in the inability to kiss her a thousand and one times opposed to a thousand. Scars appeared to be less then birthmarks and worries melted in her arms. For a girl who hated herself, she blazed like fire above the arctic and revealed the decadence of the Northern Lights.

I once turned that gift upon her and the image reflected at me shown brighter then any star, grander then any galaxy, and all-consuming in rivalry with a black hole. Under our telescope, under that tool which allowed us to streamline all of time and space through our optic nerve, I surmised the beautiful truth of the universe. I needed not to gaze upon super novas or chaos but instead only lose myself in the depth of her black hair. I perceived an absoluteness to my existence. She absorbed my love and my wonder; she became my night sky. She counted stars while I counted eyelashes. She counted planets while I counted the holes in her jeans. I lost myself in the ocean of her presence, the infinite sea of her love. Amongst the crashing and receding of waves, I learned that a whole universe exists between two people and its all consuming beauty is as magical as it is temporary. Amongst the sand beneath my curling toes,  our hearts beat in sync and our eyes sought to materialize each others’ souls. I knew her better than I knew anyone and she knew me. And to be silently and unequivocally understood remains the most eloquent concept I’ve experienced.

From that lark onward, loneliness overshadowed solitude. For having leaned my ear to the chest of the one I adored and listened to her heartbeat, I could not return to an existence of complacency or of the mundane. I do not know if that girl that once dominated my thoughts, a goddess of my world, gazes through those magnifying glasses anymore. I would like to muse that she still endlessly searches for Venus and somewhere in that obsession stops to reminisce on a memory we once shared under that window into the universe’s soul. Alas, a more predisposed reality lies in that gift being locked up in some closet, left to collect dust and a relic of the past. I know I will never forget those adventures we shared. I will never regain my innocence stolen willing from me by my thief, that Venus, and I will forever seek joy in another’s arms. While you explored our cosmos, I created one. As temporary as our big bang was, I will never forget how your telescope encapsulated my first love and defined the inner clock work of our true reality for me, our true galaxy.


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